Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
