I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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