she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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