If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
