She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
