Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
