Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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