I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
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Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You pole danced in your parka.
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He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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