On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
