dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
smell my finger.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
we should paint friendship bongs
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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