Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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