Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
