apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
