who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
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My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
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So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.