I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
