I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Use "feeling words"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award