Sponge bath it is.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
