I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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