I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
