i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
