every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
