i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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