I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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