Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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