Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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