I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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