but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize