You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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