Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
