he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Randomize
