The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
