More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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