just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
false alarm, still single
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
