Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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