you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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