drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My vagina just clenched in fear
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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