my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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