Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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