you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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