Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
