My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
