Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
