You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
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I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
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There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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