My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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