hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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