You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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