Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
