I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
