I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
