you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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