Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
