she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
