DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize