Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
