Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
