how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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