Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
