I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
