mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
