a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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