Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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