You're my little dorito
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
