U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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