I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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