I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
