She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
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She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
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I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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