This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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