The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
