I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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