i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
